Friend or Food
by gatehead81
Summary: An off-world SG-1 encounter some local wildlife whilst creeping around in the dark. What will they make of them? More importantly what will the creatures make of SG-1? Will they view them as friend or food? All SG-1. Adventure/Humour. Mid Season1. Rated K


**AN: Another little one-shot fluff fic. Our heroes find out that there's life out there, strange alien life...to quote another classic Sci-Fi show. For a visual reference think Tomb of the Crystal Skull.**

**Okay so I've tried editing this twice now but saying as how I am sitting outside a closed cafe with one bar of internet I can't quite get it all saved before the signal drops off each time so I will do it again. Any changes will be minor and won't affect the overall story so don't worry about it :)**

**Summary: Whilst off-world SG-1 encounter some local wildlife whilst creeping around in the dark. What will they make of them? More importantly what will the creatures make of SG-1? Will they see friends or food? Adv/Hum. Mid S1. K.**

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><p>FRIEND OR FOOD<p>

The temple had been small and far away when they arrived through the gate but now that they were inside it Jack was sure he had never seen anything of this magnitude in all his living days. He swallowed as he continued on around the corner and peered into the suddenly looming cave-like room. What he saw was like something from the movies, a horror movie to be exact and Jack O'Neill felt his blood run cold. "Okay, stop people." he whispered, wincing as his words echoed about in the dark.

"Why what is-"

"Ssshhhhh!" Frantically he waved his hand to quiet the archaeologist. He could feel the first surges of adrenaline kicking through him. "Okay let's just back it up...nice and quietly, no noise...quickly." he added suddenly feeling jittery.

Carter recognised the signs of true danger as she watched her CO tense up completely and she figured that it was not good. They were on a narrow downwards sloping path that was only two feet wide. On their left was a sheer cliff-face and on their right was a deep dark drop of unknown quantity. With their back-packs on it meant that turning could be tricky but not impossible if they were careful. She glanced back round at her Jaffa colleague who was guarding the rear.

Teal'c nodded and manoeuvred himself in such a way as to attempt to head back up the stone path, it was not the easiest of tasks. Before departing he looked back round at his team mates. Daniel Jackson was clinging to the safety rope as if his very life was dependent on the how tightly he could grip the line but at least he was facing the right direction. Looking further back Teal'c observed that O'Neill was giving him a stare that quite clearly conveyed that he should 'get his ass in gear', so without further delay he set off back up the short but steep incline.

It didn't take long for them to get back up to the main cavern where they all grouped together, Jack's night-vision goggles still fully trained on the path they had just come up. "Okay that was creepy." There was a part of him that just didn't believe the information that his own eyes had given him.

"What was Jack?" Daniel asked as he popped his goggles off, letting his eyes readjust to the dim natural light that was showing through from the entrance that was still a good ways away. One by one they all followed suit.

"There were these things in there, down in the cave. Some kind of four legged animals, two legged maybe, I don't even know what you would call them." he shuddered. "Don't think they saw us though."

"Did they look like this?" Daniel shone his torch at the wall highlighting a primitive scratched out drawing of the creatures Jack had just witnessed.

"Yeah, yeah, that's them exactly. What are they, some kind of weird monkey-dogs?"

"More like dog-monkeys. See how it's the head of a dog and body of a monkey?"

"Fine, dog-monkeys then." Jack really didn't care what they were called so long as they stayed down there.

Daniel squinted as he looked closer at the images around the two creatures. "It looks like they had some kind of significance in this society."

"Yeah maybe that's what made them extinct." Jack flicked his eye back towards the dark path keeping an eye out for shadows moving in the black.

"No somehow I don't think so...you see this series of images here tells the story of-"

"Not the time Daniel. We need to get out of here. If those things come up here we could be in some serious trouble." Jack O'Neill had to admit this was the most spooked he had been in a long time, yet again he glanced back.

"How big are they, Sir?" Carter asked wanting to know what they could be up against. She finished wrapping up the safety line and clipped it to her pack.

"Big enough Carter, maybe Doberman sized but more upright. MP-5's should handle it, just not on that path we were on."

"Oh good so we have time for me to catalogue this wall then." Jackson had slipped his pack off and was already checking the batteries in his camera.

"Daniel, I don't think so."

"Relax Jack, the wall says they are harmless."

"Oh well if the wall says so!" Jack tore the baseball cap off his head in frustration. "Two minutes Daniel." he warned. No point in arguing as the man was already doing as he pleased. They'd have to talk about that...again.

Impatiently Jack was watching the second hand move round on his watch and tapping his foot. Daniel's time was nearly up when he heard his 2IC's voice.

"Ah Sir?"

"What is it Carter?" but she was staring out over his shoulder. She took half a step backwards obviously wanting to raise her weapon but he was in the way. All the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end as behind him he heard a low guttural growling sound. He really should have known. "How many?" he asked, completely afraid to move.

"Three so far, but I think that's all of them." Sam answered, also unwilling to shift any further. The creatures were standing completely still regarding them. One by one they began to sniff the air as if searching for something.

A wary Teal'c helped Daniel back into his backpack but the man seemed unconcerned. "I told you Jack." he said "They're harmless. Look I'll show you."

O'Neill turned and grabbed Daniel by the scruff of the neck as he stepped passed him. "What are you nuts?"

"I'm telling you, they won't hurt us." Just at that the growling became deeper and saliva dropped onto the ground from their pointed jaws. One of them wiped its mouth using the back of a fur-lined hand. The claws looked razor sharp. "Okay, maybe not as friendly as I first thought."

"Okay that's it, go, go, go." he waved his team out ahead of him.

Jack was running, they all were running and they were being chased. He was just approaching the narrow stone causeway that bridged the gap to the mouth of the cavern. "Keep moving Daniel they're gaining on us!" he didn't even need to look back to know that.

"I'm going as fast as I can Jack."

"Well run faster these things are about to bite my ass off!"

Daniel was an archaeologist, he really didn't do running...unless he had crazy looking dog-monkeys chasing him, then he ran and fast as he could but not, it seemed, as fast as military Colonels.

"Da-a-n-niel!" Jack wailed.

The Colonel was literally breathing down his neck so Jackson put more effort into getting across the narrow walkway, which was really very high by the way, he was almost there. He could see Teal'c and Sam waving encouragement, they were waiting just beyond the archway that lead into to the temple.

"Come on guys!" Carter yelled, she could see the weird creatures gaining on the Colonel.

Daniel made it off the causeway and the Colonel made a lunge yelling as he fell mere metres from safety.

"O'Neill!" Teal'c cried and stepped back into the chamber as Daniel Jackson shot passed him. Two of the creatures had landed on top of his friend.

"No, get off me!" Jack shouted as he wrestled under the enormous and surprising weight of the animals. He couldn't risk moving too much, he was still on the skinny bit of the path but fear was really getting the better of him. "Shoot them!" he bawled knowing that the order put his own life at risk but he really, really didn't care at the moment.

Teal'c readied his zat gun but couldn't get a clean angle. If he shot at the wrong time and the creatures fell over the edge they could take O'Neill with them.

"What are you waiting for?" Carter stepped up alongside her friend and drew her weapon.

"Don't." The single word warning that echoed about them was enough for her to look up and reassess. Instantly she saw the problem. "So what then?"

"I think I know." Daniel dropped to his knees once again digging inside his pack. "It's not Jack they want." he explained, explaining nothing.

Sam and Teal'c exchanged uncertain glances, time was running out.

"Here it is. This is what they want." Daniel rose up and stepped towards the bridge. "Here dog-monkey thingy." he said as calmly as he could. He opened the wrapper on the chocolate bar and waved it about hoping that the scent would be enough to catch their attention. "Jack stop yelling would you? It will only make them worse."

For once it was O'Neill who obeyed his friend's command and using all his mental discipline he fell into rigid silence. The dog-monkeys stilled almost immediately and once again began sniffing the air. Slowly he felt the pressure of their paws, feet, whatever climbing over the top of him.

"Be careful Daniel." Carter whispered.

"It's okay Sam I got this." Daniel waggled the bar a little more before breaking it in half. "Good boys, come on, this way. Got any more sweet things guys?" Nobody moved. "Anybody?" Daniel wasn't feeling quite as calm at the moment as he was letting on, these things were big.

Carter unclipped her pack and rooted around a bit, she edged forward and handed over two more bars of candy.

Two of the animals were eating the broken bar and the third came closer to investigate Daniel's new offering.

"Watch that thing Daniel, it could have rabies or something." Jack warned from where he still lay on the causeway.

"I am watching. Good bo-oy!" Daniel praised as he completely relaxed and patted the creature's head. "You see, just like I said, completely harmless."

"Not exactly." Jack was back on his feet tentatively fingering the claw marks on his neck. "Ouch." he complained as he looked at the blood.

"Want me take a look at that Sir?" Sam offered automatically, she was concerned though.

"No Carter it's fine for now."

Sam shrugged. "You're the one who mentioned rabies."

Jack tried hard not to grimace. "Okay, but go easy they sting like a...stinging thing." he finished, determined to mind his language.

Daniel turned to look at his friend. "Ah Jack you might want to give me all the sweet stuff out of your backpack, you too Teal'c. These guys are sugar hounds, they won't let up until they get it all."

"Sugar hounds?" Jack repeated as he handed over the only power bar he had left on his person before sitting down, his back turned to Carter so she could work on his wounds.

Jackson grinned. "Yeah. According to the wall they are nocturnal and especially adept at hunting out sweet things like honey and sugarcane, kinda cool actually. Aren't you, yes you are." Daniel turned his attention back to the trio that were now surrounding him wagging their monkey tails.

Reluctantly Teal'c stepped forward and dumped half a shopping bag of toffees and other goodies in front of Daniel, the Jaffa did not look happy.

"Gee god Teal'c, where did you find room for all that?" Sam asked as she stopped working on her CO's neck. The big Jaffa said nothing.

"I didn't know you had a sweet tooth buddy." Jack teased. Now that he was sure all his guys were safe he wanted to lighten the mood.

"There is much you do not know about me O'Neill."

"I'm sure that's – ow, go easy Carter!"

"Sorry Sir, almost done, that was just the antiseptic." Sam bit her lip a little, she was trying not to stick the tape to the Colonel's hair as she applied the dressing. "It's not too deep Sir, shouldn't require stitches but it might..." she trailed off as one of the dog-monkeys came way to close for comfort. On instinct she gripped Jack's shoulders and shrunk behind him a little. Daniel may not be afraid of these things but she kinda was, especially up this close.

The thing was way up inside his personal space and level with his face. Defenceless Jack turned his face away as it gaped at him. He expected its breath to be foul smelling but it was actually kind of sweet, it reminded him of something but he couldn't quite place it. "Molasses!" he declared suddenly.

"Sir?"

"Its breath Carter, smells like molasses." Tentatively he reached out and the creature ran his head into his hand. "You really are quite friendly aren't you?" It made a sort of whimpering noise and shoved its nose hard against his chest. "Oof!"

Daniel Jackson shook his head. "You might as well give it up Jack, he won't stop."

"How do you know it's a he?" Jack asked, trying to change the subject away from the last of his stash.

"Because that one isn't." Daniel pointed at the female on the far side. Once Jack looked the different was obvious. Carter snorted behind him.

"Hey Captain, I don't suppose you noticed the difference straight away either, or did you?" Jack swung his head round and caught Carter with that trapped look on her face. There was no way she could answer that one without giving him something to throw back at her.

Before she could even open her mouth the creature commanded Jack's full attention again. "Hey, hey, hey get your nose out of there!" Jack wriggled backwards as the male dog-monkey nosed his crotch. "Just wait a minute I'll give them to you, stop that, stop it I said." Whilst trying to protect himself Jack fished half a packet of M&Ms from his front pocket and threw them to Daniel. The creature bounded after them instantly.

For a moment everyone was silent as they watched their new alien friends eating, they were fascinating in a weird sort of way.

Then Teal'c took a wide stance and set his staff-weapon firmly on the ground, this was the perfect opportunity to try out his new Earth lingo. "Well O'Neill it is safe to say that you humped the gun on this one, the creatures are indeed friendly."

"I what?" Jack turned to look at his friend, his hand frozen in Carter's where she was about to help him to his feet.

"It is a saying of the Tau'ri, where one makes a decision too early, usually without the facts as you did here, you humped the gun."

"Teal'c I can promise you I did not 'hump' anything?" Jack assured the Jaffa as he patted himself down, checking he had no more sugary treats near delicate places.

Sam smiled her really sweet and highly amused smile. "It's jumped the gun Teal'c. To hump means something completely different." she ducked her head fighting off the mental images that were become just a little too funny.

The former First Prime frowned, he was never going to get to grips with all of the various veiled words that were used in Earth's vernacular. Now he was going to have to look up the word 'hump' and see why O'Neill was so adamant that he had never before done it.

Colonel Jack O'Neill had had enough of this place. "Okay, time to go I think. Daniel, are you ready?"

"Just one more minute, Jack."

"No now, and no you can't keep him."

Daniel Jackson looked up from where he was sitting completely engrossed in affectionately petting one of the dog-monkeys. He had never had a pet before, he took a photograph. "But they're so cool Jack. I'm calling this one Barney."

"No Daniel you are not."

"Why not?"

"Because Barney is a stupid name. He looks more like a Zoltan to me. Besides he belongs with his own kind."

Jackson sighed. "Yeah you're right. I'd never have time to exercise him anyway." He pushed to his feet and picked up his pack. "Bye Barney."

"It's Zoltan." Jack told him as he gave them one last look before turning and walking away.

Doctor Jackson shook his head and pointed. "That one can be Zoltan."

Jack totally disagreed. "That's the girl Daniel, who ever heard of a girl called Zoltan?"

"Who ever heard of Zoltan?" Daniel countered sarcastically.

Sam shrugged at Teal'c who shook his head once and indicated that she should go first as they stepped out behind the two bickering friends.

The argument continued and the creatures accompanied them to the mouth of the cave but as they were reluctant to venture out into daylight they retuned to the place where Daniel had left Teal'c's stash for them to enjoy. Gratefully they wagged their monkey tails and licked their doggie lips. It seems SG-1 were definitely friends after all.

END

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><p><strong>AN: Okay so the malapropism that Teal'c uses is straight out of Bones, so credit where credit is due. In fact it kind of inspired the whole thing, not sure how though. <strong>

**I hope you enjoyed that little time-out, I know I enjoyed writing it. Later peeps :)**


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